Oh.
What?
You know what.
I do not know what.
Take a wild guess.
Um.
Is it-- is it because I sang themusic from the Kia-Ora advert?
Oh I remember that.
It's too orangey for crows.
You think this is funny?
No, it's not.
Because I'll guaranteein about three minutes time
you will definitely not be laughing.
DAISY: Look, boys.
If you think that I'm just going to stand
by and let you beat up my friend,
well you got another thing coming.
Oh.
We're going to beat you up, too.
OK.
What do you think we should do?
Let 'em have it.
DAISY: Vegetables.
A lot people are scared of them.
Take potato.
A lot of people would peel it.
A lot people would cube it.
I don't like to, I just like toput it down, bang, two halves,
in the pan, potatoes cubed.
It's a bit simple, but it's a bit sexy.
Mike?
How sexy am I?
Very.
DAISY: You could have it in a sausage salad--
Daisy?
DAISY: You have it in a sausage sandwich.
You can have it in whatever you like,
you can have it with a cup of tea.
Daisy?
How sexy am I?
Very.
Very-- you look good.
You look-- really, it's good.
I've got-- really nice.
You look nice, you look nice.
And because you don't want to look
like you've made too much of aneffort, you know what I mean?
Good.
I'll change my shirt.
This, my friend, is going tobe one of the all time great
chicken stew.
Do you know why?
Nope.
Because of this.
Oregano.
Or ore-gone-o to you.
I got it from a wise old herb merchant
on one of my many travels.
This is the good shit.
Woo, mama!
Hello?
Oh, hi.
Is that Daisy? - Yeah.
SOPHIE : Oh, hi, it's Sophie.
Oh, hi.
SOPHIE : Niceto speak to you, finally.
Tim's told me all about you.
Has he?
What did he say? - Oh, you know.
The usual.
But you know what sort of thing?
You know, specifically?
Well, that you're friends.
You share a flat.
And your name's Daisy.
Oh, right.
Is Tim there?
Oh, yes.
Yep, yep, yep, he's just getting his clothes on.
It's Sophie.
Oh, cheers.
Hello!
Hey. How are you?
TIM : Good.
Yeah, good, good.
I had a nice time last night.
SOPHIE : Me too.
What are you up to?
You know, just to making myself beautiful.
Oh, listen.
Bisley, I can't come out tonight.
Damian's got me working late.
Oh, really?
Yeah, there's been amisprint on the cover of one
of the new issues.
TIM : Which one?
Total Cult.
Well, OK. That's fine.
Fine.
SOPHIE : I meanwe can do it another night.
We can do it next week.
How do you mean, do it?
You'll find out next week.
OK.
Bye, Bisley.
Bye.
I can't believe she's sleeping with her boss!
You what?
TIM: This is how it starts, isn't it?
You know, it's excuses.
Oh, I've got to work late,I've got a presentation,
I've got to speak the New York office
and they're five hours behind.
It's just oh, oh no, sorry, I can't
come round tonight, becauseI've had ever such a long day.
It's me and Sarah.
It's millionaire.
It's textbook.
Ow!
What'd you do that for?
Well, you said to me that every time you
suffer emotional paranoia as a result
of your breakup with Sarah, Iwas to slap you in the face.
Yes, I did say that.
Thank you very much.
TV: Resident Evil.
We could go out.
What, you and me?
Yeah.
What about your stew?
Oh, it's finished now, I'vejust got to let it simmer.
I don't know, Daisy.
Come on.
It'd be fun.
What else are you going to do?
OK, then.
Right.
Who is it?
Brian.
Do you want to come in?
So you're going out.
Twist's in a mood.
Oh, what a surprise,an unreliable girlfriend.
What's the matter with her?
Hm, I don't know, didn't really specify.
Oh, that's right, you'vegot to guess, haven't you?
It must be strange being a woman.
All that power.
You what?
They are the true creators.
Aren't they?
You know, because allmen do is destroy things.
Yeah.
BRIAN: They are the true children of nature.
Gaia's foot soldiers.
And they, you know, they look like us.
Speak for yourself.
Two arms, two legs.
Two faces.
BRIAN: But it's so much more to it than that.
If a group of women spendenough time together
their menstrual cycles synchronize.
Yeah, but men have got that, too.
Mike.
No, no, no.
Men have got an unspoken telepathy.
A biological connection between male psyches.
Whether they know each otheror not, put a group of them
together, always the same.
What you mean?
Should we show him, Tim?
Mike, I really am not in the mood.
Ooh.
Oh, shit.
Bew, squish.
Poo.
Bew
Yeargh.
Tits.
Woof.
Bang.
Ting ting, ting ting.
Chick-cush.
Bew.
Yergh!
Grr.
You ready?
Yeah.
TIM: You got maneuvers tonight, Mike?
Oh, yes, reconnaissance.
There going to be tanks?
MIKE: Tim, I've learned me lesson.
I'm not gonna steal another tank.
Right.
What time are you going, Mike?
21:00 hours.
That's 9:00.
Right.
And would you mind takingCollin for a walk about 8:00?
That's 20:00 hours.
Oh, yeah.
Bye.
That's never happened to me before.
Minicab?
No thanks.
Listen, look after my stuff for me?
You're less likely to get searched than I am.
Why?
'Cause you look like a primary school teacher.
All right, that's enough of that.
Sorry, miss.
What's the plan, then?
Right.
We get the tube into Soho, and go
for drinks in a fashionablegay West End gay bar
before popping along to the theater
to catch a new play by a hip young play-write,
preferably with a swear word in the title.
After that we go to a swinginglate night coffeehouse,
and discuss the play at lengthbefore retiring to a jazz bar
to listen to an elaboratexylophone music,
and talk about the meaning of life
until it's time to catch the last tube home.
What you think?
I think I'm going to go home.
What do you want to do, then?
Right.
We get the tube into Camden,and head for the nearest bog
stand indy-oriented bar.
We smoke a fatty boom batty on the way,
so that we can be absolutelymunted by the time
we order our first drink.
We stay there for a few hours,where if all goes the plan,
we'll end up laughing like a couple of twats.
We then relocate to alow level high street pub
with an eclectic jukebox,and keep drinking until we A,
fall over, B, puke, or C, fall over and puke.
I like my idea better.
Yeah, well, you would.
I think it's most interesting.
- Toss a coin? - OK, then.
Two pints of cider, please.
- And crisps as well. - Crisps as well.
Two packets of crisps. And nuts.
Honey roasted.
Daisy, I'm ordering the drinks!
I can't even remember what I was going to say.
Fuck it.
Two tequila slammers, please.
Yes!
It's ups and downs, it's upsand downs, it's ups and downs,
it's like when you'retraveling, it's ups and downs.
Like more, more than normal, you know, like--
well, not more ups and downs.
Do you know what I mean?
No.
What did you want to be when you were a kid?
- A monkey. - A monkey?
No, Monkee.
Monkee.
Da-da-da-da-da!
I've got a headache!
It was great. What did you want to be?
- Elvis. - That's stupid.
He's a bloke.
I don't want to be your tiger,
'cause tigers play too rough.
There you go.
Whoa.
There's a good little fella.
Right.
Off to enjoy a night of runninground in the dark with a gun.
You got to stay here andbe good for Uncle Michael.
Settle down, relax, and get comfy.
Because you my friend are going nowhere.
Oh, bollocks.
Colin?
Colin!
I'm glad we decided to stay in, Twist.
So nice here.
Just you and me together.
I've been naughty.
Naughty?
I've lost Colin.
How?
He just ran off.
Brain we've got to find him.
- He'll probably come back.- What if he doesn't?
If there's one I've learnedfrom the military is,
never leave a man behind.
It's a dog.
Or a dog.
OK.
Bye, Twist.
Sophie seems very nice.
Yes, she's cool.
Very cool, yeah.
She's quite quiet.
You're joking, aren't you?
She talks more than you do.
Yeah, she's very funny, as well.
Very funny.
She really makes me laugh.
Oh, well I'm glad.
I'm glad for you.
I'm glad, I'm really glad.Glad.
What about you?
Glad.
You got someone specialyou're not telling me about?
No, I think I put men off.
No.
No, I do.
Trust me.
Hey.
Come on.
Pull my finger.
Well, look.
You're a beautiful, talented woman.
I'm going to go to the toilet, OK,
and I bet you any money when I come back,
there's going to be some blokesat here chatting you up.
You having a good night?
What?
Are you having a good night.
Yeah.
You?
Oh, yes.
Listen, mate.
Don't know where I could getmy hands on some puff, do you?
Um, not at the moment, no.
Have you got any?
Um, just got a spliff's worth.
Can I buy it off you?
No, no, no.
It's just for me and my dog.
Do you remember that?
The Kia-Ora advert?
Do you remember?
It's too orangey for crows.
It's brilliant.
What are you talking about?
You remember that, don't you?
No.
Hi. Dom.
Yeah.
This is Duane Benzie.
This Duane Benzie.
Tim, hi.
I didn't expect to see you here.
You stole my girlfriend.
Oh, um, Tim, this is--
Duane.
Tim.
Hi.
This isn't the kind ofplace I'd expect to find you.
That's funny.
It's exactly the sort ofplace I'd expect to see you.
Well what's that supposed to mean?
You work it out.
All right, then.
You're Duane?
The Duane Duane.
Duane Benzie.
The Duane Benzie that--
Stole my girlfriend.
Well, that depends onwhich way you look at it.
I think that Tim looks at it that way.
Yes, I do.
DUANE: So Tim.
How have you been?
Haven't seen you since, um--
Yeah, well.
No hard feelings, eh?
You shot me in the bollocks, Tim.
Like I said.
No hard feelings.
You're lucky I didn't sue.
Well, why didn't you?
I'm not a monster, Tim.
Besides, I know you don't havemuch in the way of assets.
I, um, I heard you gotback together with Sarah.
She came to her senses.
She not out tonight?
No, she's--
Working late?
She's got a presentation.
Putting in a lot of overtime, is she?
What's that supposed to mean?
You work it out.
Daisy, we're leaving.
Oh.
Nice to meet you, Daisy.
Yeah, yeah.
Pull my finger?
Daisy?
I last I will emerge as the victor.
At last I will have revenge.
Mini cab?
TIM: No thanks.
I'm glad we got out of therewhen we did, because that could
have got a little bit nasty.
How about that spliff?
I told you, we're not selling.
We're not buying.
You what?
Blondie's got somethingfor me, haven't you, Blondie?
No.
Yes, I-- yes.
Daisy, give him the stuff.
They're only about 12.
Daisy, look at them.
Whoa, mama.
Just what I've been looking for.
I cannot believe this.
Tim.
I can't believe I gotmugged by the red hand gang.
Oh, come on.
And when your girlfriendis sleeping with her boss.
She's not sleeping with her boss.
And besides, what if she is?
Sometimes it pays to be single.
Look at Marsha.
You know what she told me the other day?
What?
I was going to be anOlympic athlete, you know.
Well what's that got to do with anything?
I'll tell you.
I was a sprinter.
A fast one, too.
Why do you think I got such ace pins?
They're me souvenirs.
Forked lightning Klein, they used to call me.
I was all set for stardom.
Sailed through the districts, in '67.
Walked the Nationals, all setto wow the Olympic selection
committee when suddenly, bang.
You got shot?
MARSHA: Might as well have done.
I was coming back from training one
night, when suddenly this MiniCooper comes out of nowhere,
and knocks me off my bike.
Next thing I know, I'msprawled out on the pavement
with these pillocking tight trousers standing over
me, saying oh, sorry, love.
I didn't see you, I wasgoing too fast, I was drunk.
Anyway, I he gives me his bottle of Jack Daniels.
I don't drink, I said.
Oh, go on, love.
It'll help with the pain.
He was not wrong.
My god.
Yep.
Fractured me tibia, fell behind on me training,
and eventually lost interest.
What happened to the pillock?
I'm married him '69.
I often wonder what wouldhave happened if hadn't
been knocked off my bike.
Where would I be now?
Thanks, Des.
Coming up, the latest from thefive nations at Twickenham,
and a report from the finalround of the Davies Cup.
Tim?
Thanks.
I know I'm being stupid, I know.
I know.
I'm paranoid.
You know, I've been hurt.
I just-- I keep thinking aboutwhat happened with Sarah.
That is in the history.
Yeah?
That's past.
Stop thinking about it.
What-- I don't.
I don't think about her, really.
I don't-- I don't miss her.
You know, I don't thinkabout what it would have been
like to get married, moveinto a nice detached house
in Highgate, have a couple of kids,
and a Pro logic's surround soundTV, I don't think about that.
And a studio.
Thanks. - You're a winner.
Yes?
Sod the grass.
You've got good friends, you've got a good job,
and you've got a foxy lady.
I'm the luckiest man in town.
Have a nice night, Tim.
Get on that.
This ain't grass.
What?
It's oregano.
How can you tell?
I'm a catering student.
Get the car.
Make your round now, please.
We should do this more often.
Yeah, with your birthdaysoon, we could have blow out,
couldn't we? - Yeah, that'd be cool.
Hey, here's a plan.
We go home, we watch sometelly, and we eat some stew.
Now, that's a plan I like.
Have you got your keys?
- No. - Shit.
I've left mine in the other pub.
They'll be closing in five minutes.
Oh.
What?
You know what.
He who laughs last, laughs longest.
What do you think we should do?
Let 'em have it.
Woo!
Bew, bew, boom.
Mini cab?
Yes, please!
Step on it!
Come on!
You bloody idiot.
Have you any idea how much this car cost?
Why don't you piss off backto Romford where you belong?
You little prick. Eh?
Hey?
Clever boys.
DAISY: Thanks, bye.
TIM: I can't believe you said step on it.
Why?
I wanted to say it.
Do you think we'll have to wait here all night?
Nah.
I'm cold.
Ugh.
You know I said earlier on?
About what?
You know, about being single and that.
I think the thing is, is justnot to go looking for it,
you know?
I think things happen whenyou least expect them to.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Isn't that your dog?
DAISY: Aren't those your keys?
TIM: Yeah.
I must have had them all along.Huh.
Come on.
Have you two just been taking Colin
out for a midnight stroll?
Yes.
Didn't you go on your reconnaissance mission?
Um.
Sort of.
Come on.
You're just in time for stew.
Come on, chop chop.
That was a great stew, Daisy.
I think I'm going to make another one.